Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Ugly Proof

Okay, it’s June and I have ugly proof that a low carb life is the only way for me.  For whatever reason I took a break from no carb.  I’d found my way under two-hundred pounds and I guess my psyche said “that’s enough”. 

At first I told myself, “One day a week, I will allow myself to indulge.”  Sounded reasonable enough.  However, one day turned into every day.  You may think it was a matter of self-control but it really wasn’t.  It seemed as if I’d never chosen no carb at all.  I just effortlessly floated into a routine of eating what I wanted, when I wanted, without ever really thinking about it.  It was easy.  No more having to make myself a salad while I prepared a separate meal for my family.  No more pealing the bun off my burger or watching others eat dessert.  No more questioning eyes gazing across the room at me, to see what it was I might or might not be eating. 

I would like to tell you this has gone on for a month, two weeks or a few days, but the truth is I don’t know.  I am one of those oddities who loses time like socks.  (I can’t measure distance, in miles or hours, I am broken in the world of numbers, in more ways than one, and without a calendar to plan out my days, I would be hopelessly late or missing.)  I can tell you, I have quickly gained back ten pounds! 

Now remember, I am a woman.   That being said, I know some of this is water weight and may disappear in a day or two, but I don’t want to allow myself that excuse either.  I want to see the truth for what it is.  I absolutely must put in the effort.  I can’t afford to eat a cookie or sit in my recliner all day.  I have to watch what I eat and put in those uncountable miles of exercise. 

The strange thing is, none of this is difficult.  I didn’t have a single problem saying “no” when I started this, so I don’t know why I would have ever changed a thing.  Celebration?  Absurd!  There is absolutely no joy or pride where I stand today. 

So let this be a warning to all of my friends who are battling with me.  Congratulate yourself by seeing your progress and let that be enough.  Don’t lose sight of why you began in the first place, so you won’t have to start over.  Luckily, I am not back at square one, but I would’ve been in the blink of an eye, if I hadn’t caught myself now.   

Remember, I am not saying no carb is the way for everyone, it’s just what works for me.  I am mainly confronting myself, as well as, encouraging you to find what works for you and to stick with it.   Hopefully, July will come with a resounding victory and I will be celebrating again…but this time with fireworks! J

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